Its understandable that everyone wants to visit and see your baby, says Dr. Schaffner. Dr. William Schaffner, MD, an infectious disease expert and Professor of Preventive Medicine in the Department of Health Policy as well as Professor of Medicine in the Division of Infectious Diseases at the Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, Nashville, TN, Dr. Leah Alexander, MD, FAAP, a pediatrician, Dr. Harvey Karp, MD, a pediatrician, and author of the best-selling parent guides Happiest Baby on the Block & Happiest Toddler on the Block, Expert Advice For Managing A 12 Month Sleep Regression, The 4 Month Sleep Regression: Survival Tips From Baby Sleep Experts, The 18-Month Sleep Regression: Expert Advice To Get You Through, The 8-10 Month Sleep Regression: Expert Advice To Get You Through It, What Parents Are Talking About Delivered Straight To Your Inbox, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Get weekly updates on baby and your body. His mother disapproves, considering her beneath her son. Email Am I being a bad parent by not letting other people hold my new baby?. EACH WEEK IN our series,Am I Being A Bad Parent?, we hear from a reader who cant figure out what to do about a tricky parenting situation. If you unload the dishwasher but simply stack everything on the counter because you don't know where things go, that's not helpful. As your baby grows, they'll gradually start to need fewer night feeds and will sleep for longer at night. However, know that, especially when illnesses are circulating, people are unlikely to be offended if you ask them to respect your wishes and keep a certain distance from your baby. I've never understood why people think they are entitled to hold other people's brand new babies who are extremelysuscepible to germs. It's just common sense. As much as I genuinely appreciated our families, I also felt drained. You can find out more about our use, change your default settings, and withdraw your consent at any time with effect for the future by visiting Cookies Settings, which can also be found in the footer of the site. Decide on a small circle of people that you feel comfortable touching or being near your newborn, suggests Dr. Ahmed. However, since babies aren't fully vaccinated until after age 1, you'll also want to be extra vigilant to keep your baby from being exposed to germs, says Dr. Hasson. Indoor events with food and touching (let me bring you dinner and let's eat together while I hold your baby) carry a very high risk of transmission if someone is sick. Flu. For those that you do let touch your baby, ask that they follow basic health protocols. The mother may not want visitors when she is not looking or feeling her best, as may be the case after childbirth. Before they arrived, I inched my way out of bed and attempted to make myself look somewhat presentable, excited to have my daughter meet her grandparents for the first time. While working as an intern for an English daily, she realised that she likes writing above anything else. Good nourishment and hydration are important after birth. They often feel pressure to make the most of the time they have with their baby. So, it's advisable to avoid letting most people touch your baby and to avoid crowds, says the pediatrician. We know that infants are very vulnerable to whooping cough, and before they can be vaccinated themselves, the way it finds newborns is if family members bring it into the home, Dr. Schaffner explains. My parents and mother-in-law were over almost all day every day, cooking, cleaning, and helping and while it was very much needed, I felt like I hadnt had one second to myself in days. I've never understood why people think they are entitle, I think new moms are overly paranoid. ! to every nurse who came in the room. Every child is different, so if you are a lucky one whose infant settles back to sleep quickly, letting your baby hold your hand to sleep will not be a problem. Catie. I love her so much and I would do anything in the world for her. Itdoesn't hurt for grandparents to make a standing offer to come help out. should not be construed as a substitute for advice from a medical professional or health care provider. A new baby is an exciting event for everyone, so you'll probably have a few people keen to visit once you get home. MEL73104 December 2009 My little girl was born Dec. 15th, so she's 8 days old. Keeping your baby safe is your job. The idea of being heard without having to speak appeals to her. The couple lives with my daughter-in-law's (controlling) mother and (passive) father, and I don't see a lot of them even though . Their baby their rules. We are letting people hold Ryan, but if anyone so much as sniffles, they're not allowed. I cried about once every hour, sometimes because of something that happened, but mostly for no reason at all. unless otherwise stated. They are creating a protected period for forming a family unit. Code, or contact the Council, at www.presscouncil.ie, Newborns should not go more than about 4-5 hours without feeding. Even if friends, family, and neighbors are all vying to be the first to love on your newborn, youre going to have to hold them off for a while, Dr. William Schaffner, MD, an infectious disease expert and Professor of Preventive Medicine in the Department of Health Policy as well as Professor of Medicine in the Division of Infectious Diseases at the Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, Nashville, TN, tells Romper. My wife won't let me say anything, she wants to write a letter to her brother. Even before they were born we talked about how we wanted to have them around others. This careful approach allows loved ones to bond with your baby but also keep your newborn as safe as possible. [1] Doing so will cocoon the baby from outside germs, says Dr. Ahmed. The Journal supports the work of the Press Council of Ireland and the Office of the Press Your At around 4-5 months, your baby no longer sleeps the deep sleep of newborns and may be disturbed when you slip your hand out of theirs. We told our family before she was born that we would not be letting anyone hold her for a while - this time of year there are just too many bugs going around. Now that research has shown that holding babies does not "spoil" them, but is, in fact, what they need most, we would be wise to listen to our hearts and "hold that baby all the time." Pam Leo is the author of Connection Parenting: Parenting through Connection instead of Coercion, through Love instead of Fear (Wyatt-Mackenzie 2005) and is the . However, newborns do not have a very developed immune system, so it is wise for parents to be careful of how many people touch their little one. I doubt very much the government are going to announce any time soon that everyone can go ahead and hug no matter how safe it is now in reality so we made our own risk assessment. Keep the circle of people who you allow to handle your baby small to reduce the chance of accidents and exposure to infections. since infants can also contract the disease. Baby wants to hold my hand to sleep. If he contracts a fever, it means a trip to the emergency room with a resulting sepsis workup, says Sharon Nachman, M.D., chief of the Division of Pediatric Infectious Diseases at Stony Brook Children's Hospital. More than 5,000 readers have already pitched in to keep free access to The Journal. At a certain point, I wasnt just feeling overwhelmed; I was also starting to feel anxious. Belly hold. I didnt know what to say. Just make sure to protect Babys delicate skin by keeping them out of the sun or putting on a sun hat to shield them from the suns harmful rays. I really dont like it when other people hold my baby. We trust that our parents and siblings would not hold her if they felt sick. Am I being a bad parent by letting my five-year-old sleep in our bed. Also, ask anyone with a cold or other infection to wait to visit your baby until they are symptom-free, advises Dr. Hasson. Why would parents do this to grandparents? Making babies stress reactive from undercare may be a good way to build an easily distressed personality and create a society of self-concerned folks. Germs stick to our clothes, so if they were just holding their own children, they may carry those germs on their clothes he says. Germs and bacteria that may seem harmless to us are quite dangerous for your baby as their immunity is not fully functional yet. Get weekly updates on baby and your body. Keep your baby away from anyone who is ill with diarrhoea and vomiting, coughs, colds, or flu. I. my daughter, more than I had ever missed anyone and she was only a few feet away from me. Hip Hold. Today, social media is everything. Sarah Vanbuskirk is a writer and editor with 20 years of experience covering parenting, health, wellness, lifestyle, and family-related topics. advertising. We are so blessed to have this little family. Your baby can see, including faces, large shapes, motion, and light. them live close by - 4 sets of parents (we both have divorced parents Lyndsey Garbi, MD, is a pediatrician who is double board-certified in pediatrics and neonatology. But just on the father/husband side, the mothers parents arrive today. There are many new sling carriers for newborns that keep them close to you and make it nearly impossible, and also downright rude, for others to try sticking their hands into to touch your baby. Can definitely confirm that everything everyone says about the first few days of being a parent is true. people who the baby would be exposed to and there's no where to draw Sure, it was the middle of the summer and not flu season, but people still had germs! Respecting her wish, the author refused to let anyone hold his baby son before the wife recovered from the surgery. Nemours Foundation. Aunts and uncles w. If any of my kids treated me like that I would be devastated. In fact, a newborn's immune system isn't considered to have adequate function until 2 months old! Then she passes by that little baby face, and . 483623. It's best to ask your toddler, for example, to sit next to you and place your baby on his lap. "Have a core set of helpers and visitors that you know are up to date on their protective vaccines," says Dr. Hasson. But the bottom line is that there are three people who should be guaranteed bonding time at and after delivery: you, your partner, and Baby J. It's that threesome that needs to meet, greet, and get to know each other first and foremost. Arriving unannounced. No parents, no friends, no visitors. Signs that babies are hungry include: moving their heads from side to side; opening their mouths However, you also want to keep your baby safe from germs and accidents. Seriously; I had to stop myself from shrieking, Look what we made! Everyone has been chomping at the bit to see your baby. One reason is that newborn babies are not tuned into day and night yet. interactive elements on the site, any assistance, or response you receive is provided by the author Third-hand smoke (that which sticks to the hair and clothes) is just as dangerous as first and second-hand smoke. This means they need to feed little and often. Try rocking or holding your newborn against you, skin on skin. Celebrating the birth of your baby with loved ones is a special moment for all new moms. We are skipping all of the holiday events this year and pretty much not letting anyone meet the baby for now. For example, a young woman meets a man from a higher social class. First-time grandparents sometimes go astray when they come to help because they get caught in the baby's tractor beam. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. There are times, unfortunately, when family can cause unwanted drama surrounding a blessed event. It would be best for visitors to wait until the baby is at least two months old.. I think it's stupid to not let your parents hold your baby. Its rough at times to be honest and I struggle and feel lonely and disconnected some days. Exhausted, swollen, completely overwhelmed, and ecstatically happy, I spent the next few hours staring at her in awe alongside my husband, cooing over everything she did, and wondering how we had gotten so lucky. Try not to expose your newborn (less than one month of age) to more people than necessary, and avoid all people with infectious diseases like colds and the flu! My personal opinion is that it is ridiculous to not let healthy family members hold a new baby. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts, The latest Irish and international sports news for readers and members, A platform helping fund the type of in-depth journalism that the public wants to see. Moms with newborns - not letting people hold your baby? Be VERY cautious in the first month of life. Bringing a newborn baby home from the hospital is an exciting and stressful time. The parents may be concerned about visitors bringing germs. Our Pedi said, to tell people because it isflu and RSV seasonthat we prefer they NOT kiss the baby or touch her hands alot. Some expectant parents say that they aren't taking hospital visitors. I was trying to do a million things at once: I started to wish that my husband and I had tried. Newborns that get sick are most often hospitalize, My personal opinion is that it is ridiculous to not let healthy family members hold a new baby. It's something that they are doing for the newborn and for themselves. I come from a large family too and my LO has already been held by more people than I can remember. DH: testicular cancer survivor!! And if our parents would like to continue to clean and make us dinner, hey, I wouldnt say no. Sitting on the hospital bed watching all these other people hold my daughter, I felt waves of sadness wash over me that I couldnt explain. "Ideally, it. But its also equally as important to keep baby safe during these visits with friends and fam so that everyone (including your newborn) stays happy and healthy. I missed my daughter, more than I had ever missed anyone and she was only a few feet away from me. Family members who visit you and your baby may want to hold them. Over the next two days, a few aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins came by. They also offer support and. This should go without saying, but it can be fatal to your child to be around anyone who is sick. From then on, when friends texted and asked if they could come by, I told them it would be better if they visited when we got home. and indemnify Journal Media in relation to such content and their ability to make such content, I'm really really starting to get irked by it, and I wish I had put my foot, The baby isn't a toy. Come up with a couple of general purpose lines to fob people off, and don't mind. How to Protect Your Newborn from COVID-19 During the Holidays. Most grandparents will be dying to help with the baby, but again, defer to the parents' wishes. Keep doing what you are doing and dont feel bad about making excuses. After what has felt like an absolute eternity to everyone else (and probably you, too), youve finally welcomed your newborn baby. Start by selecting which of these best describes you! We restricted visits initially. The latter occurred for one dad as he welcomed his first son and chose not to let family members hold the baby . All Rights Reserved. , Access to the comments facility has been disabled for this user. Get them to sit down on a chair and carefully place your baby in their arms. Sick people should not hold your baby. Flu season is predictable in that it comes every single year at roughly the same time. When introducing your baby to family members, hold these visits outdoors, when possible, and everyone gets to mask up and keep their . Covering parenting, health, wellness, lifestyle, and family-related topics so much and I would anything... Cried about once every hour, sometimes because of something that they are and! Hold them times, unfortunately, when family can cause unwanted drama surrounding a blessed event hospital.! 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